Very impressive and unconventional defense by the natives, Best part is, the enemy will probably never catch on because generals and officials who spend their lives thinking in terms of lifeless metal can't comprehend anything else,
I’m not sure this story needs the explanatory “addendum.” I got what was going on pretty well from the narration. I like the experimental ending. I think adding more after that ending kind of undercuts it.
The definite strong point here is the economy of the narrative and description. Quite a lot in a little space!
I’m on the fence about the addendum, to be honest. I think it was more my writerly instincts trying to leave myself a gap for future stories in the same universe, than something the story necessarily needs to “click”. But then again, someone else might read the same work and not necessarily come to the same conclusion. So a little post-note - while you are processing the experience of that lost pilot - helps to bring the reader back to reality again a bit.
These are just my preferences as a reader, not firm-and-fast rules of storytelling, but…
I don’t want to be “brought back to reality.” The story has taken me into a netherworld, an utterly alien place where the rules of reality and temporality, as I understand them, don’t apply. New, otherworldly rules apply, and I want to be left to think about them and feel the weight of their consequences. Leave me stranded.
The alternative choice here, I think likely the better one, may be to displace the addendum. Put some of its elements into the story itself — be selective, leave room for the reader to be mystified — and put what’s left as a one-paragraph prologue before the story, e.g. “Recovered memory log…” That front-loads the story with “hard reality,” away from which we gradually float until the final word “No.”
Oh my goodness this was so much better than what I was expecting! I mean I love a good sci-fi battle, but this? This is poetry.
It also reminds me of the bioluminescent algae in some parts of the ocean that glows when it's disturbed, and the feeling you get when staring at the sky. Love this.
Glad you liked it, and thanks for the comment. I had this idea in the back of my head that combined the giant mechs from the BattleTech/ MechWarrior universe with a “what if” alien scenario, and how it would play out when warriors of metal and fire encounter an enemy that fights with intangible things like emotions and memories. I’m quite satisfied with how it turned out.
"Even the captain was quiet now." So lovely!
Very impressive and unconventional defense by the natives, Best part is, the enemy will probably never catch on because generals and officials who spend their lives thinking in terms of lifeless metal can't comprehend anything else,
It’s definitely a type of warfare that would uproot the status quo, yes!
I’m not sure this story needs the explanatory “addendum.” I got what was going on pretty well from the narration. I like the experimental ending. I think adding more after that ending kind of undercuts it.
The definite strong point here is the economy of the narrative and description. Quite a lot in a little space!
I’m on the fence about the addendum, to be honest. I think it was more my writerly instincts trying to leave myself a gap for future stories in the same universe, than something the story necessarily needs to “click”. But then again, someone else might read the same work and not necessarily come to the same conclusion. So a little post-note - while you are processing the experience of that lost pilot - helps to bring the reader back to reality again a bit.
These are just my preferences as a reader, not firm-and-fast rules of storytelling, but…
I don’t want to be “brought back to reality.” The story has taken me into a netherworld, an utterly alien place where the rules of reality and temporality, as I understand them, don’t apply. New, otherworldly rules apply, and I want to be left to think about them and feel the weight of their consequences. Leave me stranded.
The alternative choice here, I think likely the better one, may be to displace the addendum. Put some of its elements into the story itself — be selective, leave room for the reader to be mystified — and put what’s left as a one-paragraph prologue before the story, e.g. “Recovered memory log…” That front-loads the story with “hard reality,” away from which we gradually float until the final word “No.”
Oh my goodness this was so much better than what I was expecting! I mean I love a good sci-fi battle, but this? This is poetry.
It also reminds me of the bioluminescent algae in some parts of the ocean that glows when it's disturbed, and the feeling you get when staring at the sky. Love this.
Glad you liked it, and thanks for the comment. I had this idea in the back of my head that combined the giant mechs from the BattleTech/ MechWarrior universe with a “what if” alien scenario, and how it would play out when warriors of metal and fire encounter an enemy that fights with intangible things like emotions and memories. I’m quite satisfied with how it turned out.
I love that concept! Excellent execution too
(Pun intended :)
Great piece James. The battlefield of emotions.